Eww I can almost see the cobwebs hanging off the edges of my browser as I open my blog hahaha. I can’t believe it’s been three, four solid months since the last time I updated this blog.
I mean, like seriously HAHAHA my last post was to welcome the coming of December and today is the 2nd April what in the world. To think that I used to update every other day!
But anyway, tons have happened within this short span of time. Now that I’ve finally found some time to pen down my thoughts, let me begin from January.
My last term of Year 2 began on 3rd January! It was quite cute walking to the train station and seeing all the youngsters start a new school year, while I was starting my last term. It was also the first year my batch of RV kids didn’t have to start a new academic year too because they finished their A levels in December. Time really flies huh! Imagine if I had stuck to IP and didn’t transfer out. I’d be one of them free birds too~
Two chalets were held in January - Daiko chalet-cum-AGM and 4H’s chalet.
During Daiko’s chalet-cum-AGM, the senior batched stepped down and passed over their roles, and I took over as the President of SP Daiko. I had to admit that when I got the role, I wasn’t happy in the least hahaha. It was a short chalet, only 2 days and 1 night, at Aloha Changi. It was super ulu omg we stayed in one of the Cranwell bungalows, which was super out of the way.
The next weekend I had my 4H chalet at Aranda! It was really fun, and it felt so good hanging out with such familiar faces and people. I really enjoyed myself, making music with my best bro and catching up with some of my closer friends. Everyone felt like family :’) And I slept super lot during this chalet omg HAHAHA. Like a pig seriously I slept like 6 hours the first night! I never used to sleep during the first nights of chalets okay! >: I am seriously getting old…
I had to leave on the second evening because I had school on Monday, so I reached home around 8++, close to 9. That night I was contemplating if I should pop by to check on my gran, but I figured she’d be asleep by then so I thought I’d just say hi the next morning.
The chance never came though. The next morning, my mom and I were awakened by someone pressing on our doorbell at about 6am. It was the police.
It turned out that my grandma had committed suicide the night before by jumping, and her body was found at around 4am. The police had waited till 6am before knocking on our door. My dad happened to be in Manila at that point in time, so we had to give him a call to notify him. He flew back that day.
The next few days were spent at her wake and at my gran’s funeral. Some close buddies of mine dropped by at the wake, which was awfully nice of them. This might be a little late, but it was very much appreciated.
I guess my biggest regret is deciding not to go over that night I came home from the chalet. I keep wondering if I could have made a difference. Even if I couldn’t, I could have said goodbye; seen her for a last time.
If I were to go into great detail about how I felt and still feel, I’d never finish. I will never be able to fully describe how I feel.
She passed away on the morning of the 21st. She was my best friend, my most supportive fan, the family member I was closest to because I grew up with her by my side everyday. She was my Cantonese companion, my chef - you name it, she was it.
It was a really bad time for it to happen, because my exams were in two weeks. I don’t know if it was a good or bad thing, but I guess it was quite effective in keeping me distracted. Since it was the last term, there were loads of tutorials, projects and presentations to rush. Being a class rep kind of sucked too because I had to coordinate all the last-minute make-up classes.
I went and got myself 3 more lobe piercings, so now I have 3-2. I’ve always wanted a second pair of piercings, and I guess I was feeling reckless and like I didn’t care about anything anymore, so I went ahead and just got as many as I felt like. I wanted to get two more helix piercings, but I decided to take a break to let the rest heal first, and now that two months have passed, I’m too humji to get the other two HAHA shit.
The two weeks flew by and suddenly I found myself in the midst of exams. I had 5 + 1 papers spanning over the course of three weeks la what the shit LOL. Plus one because I had a diploma-plus paper as well. I remember myself wondering how I was going to survive the second week of my exams, because RPN and EFC were back to back and they were possibly the shittiest modules I had to take this semester! Oh and RPN fell on Valentines’ Day zzz. Not that I had a Valentine to celebrate it with la, but still!?!? It’s damn stupid ok.
CNY also happened to fall right smack in the middle of my exams. I had one paper before the CNY holiday, and then the rest of the papers after the holiday. I didn’t get to celebrate CNY this year because of the passing, but I wasn’t complaining. There didn’t seem to be much CNY mood this year for some odd reason O:
AH YES AND MY GUY FRIENDS ENLISTED! Most enlisted on the 13th and 15th :( Byebye hair and byebye my good brothers.
And *drumroll* 6 papers later, I was liberated - I was done with Year 2, done with my two-year Diploma-Plus course, done with being a class rep, and just done with school for the year!
I WAS SO FRICKIN’ HAPPY.
Okay since my exams already took up like three weeks of Feb, there really isn’t much to talk about hahahaha. And my exams started on the second week of Feb, so by the time they ended, it was time to bid February farewell too. Oh, and my mom turned 56 on the 17th :)
I had only about one and a half weeks of holidays because my internship was set to start on the 11th. Out of that 1.5 weeks, I think I spent about 3-4 days on Daiko stuff heh, training and all.
I don’t remember doing much during that week actually come to think of it. Wait I know why!!! I spent most of my free days preparing for my final IP presentation -.- Yes, my IP team (i.e. Xinyu, Tricia and I) received super last-minute notifications of having to attend a formal presentation to a panel of lecturers, who will then decide if our IP deserved a Distinction. Okay IP in this case is referring to my FYP - Haunted Library.
It was super irritating because everytime I had a free day and I decided that I’d use it to pack my room, I had to give it up and use it to meet up with the girls to prepare slides or have some meeting.
Okay so technically speaking, I didn’t really have holidays at all lor.
Then came the 11th…
I started my internship.
I was miserable and I hated every minute of it and I totally detested what I was doing and ugh.
It’s funny how I’m writing in past tense because I’m still interning and I can’t say I like what I’m doing as of yet.
But the one piece of good news: I FINALLY PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!! And I passed with ONLY 6 DEMERITS OMG DAMN GOOD RIGHT HAHAHA thank God! :D I still can’t believe I can legally drive now wahahaha. But no I don’t know how to drive an auto car so whatever~
Oh and yes, my last post was about The Script right? I attended both Rachael Yamagata and The Script’s concerts this month with Meilin :) They were both fantastic and I have absolutely no regrets! I spent $50 on The Script’s shirt lor whoa heartpain sia.
Here’s a tip from me to you - always, always get your concert merchandise before the concert commences. Otherwise, good luck LOL.
April just began yesterday, and this marks my fourth week interning at the company.
I used to dread Saturday Daiko trainings because it was in the morning, and it was on a weekend! Now though, it’s possibly the thing I look forward to the most every week because it provides me with some semblance of normality! Normality meaning student life. It reminds me that despite having to work full-time from Monday to Friday, I’m still a student.
I love the feeling of being able to wear FBTs and slippers and tying my hair up in a ponytail and carrying a backpack to school. I love being able to roll around in the clubhouse and feel alive once again hahaha omg I sound like some caged bird flying free for the first time.
I’m really looking forward to going back to school the next semester and I seriously, seriously can’t wait for this stupid internship to end.
Sigh :( It has sucked away my life, my youth, my happiness, my freedom… Really manz working full-time leaves me no time to do anything else!
I report to work at 9.30am, and leave work between 6.45pm - 7pm (on good days), which doesn’t leave me with much time to do anything -.- Even if I meet friends, I can only meet them for a very short while, and they usually meet me around my workplace because by the time I get out it’s already so late.
It’s so depressing to think of work ughhhhhhh. Okay whatever.
So those are my past three months summed up in a couple of words. Yes a couple, and I’m not being sarcastic here.
Even though about 2 months have passed since my gran passed away, I still can’t really bring myself to accept it. I mean, sure, I know she’s gone, but it still feels very surreal. Every time I wait for the lift, I look in the general direction of her place and just feel empty I guess. I don’t have anyone to converse in Cantonese with anymore, and I have to settle my meals by myself now :(
I feel like I was forced by circumstances to get over her passing, because I had to prepare for exams and finish my school year. Then I had to move on to internship and just get on with life. I didn’t really have the chance to stop and properly mourn her loss, so perhaps that’s why I haven’t found closure?
I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing her.
I’m a really conflicted person T~T After so many things have happened, I seem to have lost control over my life. I can’t seem to find meaning anymore everyday omg because of this stupid internship! I need to get a grip but it’s not easy to psycho yourself.
I’m just gonna take it one day at a time and hope for the better.
At least this blog is up to date, like finally!!! And to whoever that used to or still read my blog, I’M BACK HAHAHAHAHA.
OH YES. I have finally gotten a new laptop. #justsaying
Alright this is going to be quite an abrupt ending but that’s all I have to say. It turned out shorter than expected hmm… my skills have deteriorated SOB SOB.
I guess I’ll just check back in now and then whenever I have something to rant about hahaha. And I realised I haven’t blogged about my December trip to Europe. Aiya I’ll never get around to doing that HAHAHA but anyway yes I went to Europe for 2 weeks!
Okay the end, thanks for reading to the end. Till next time!
Out of the downpour
Appeared a silent shadow